Introduction by GiftedKids.in
At every family gathering there is a moment when the children are sent off to play and one of them does not go. They stay at the edge of the adult conversation instead, listening. Somebody notices. Somebody says something about it.
Dr Inderbir Kaur Sandhu hears this worry more than almost any other. Her answer is not that there is nothing to notice — it is that most parents are reading the wrong thing into it.
“My daughter is only eight years old, but she would rather sit with the adults at family gatherings than play with her cousins. At school she tells me other children are ‘too childish’. Should I be worried?”
A Concern I Often Hear From Parents
This is one of the questions I hear most often. Many parents become concerned when their gifted child seems more comfortable talking to teachers, grandparents or older children than classmates. They wonder whether this reflects poor social skills or whether something is wrong.
In many cases, however, the explanation is much simpler. Gifted children often look for conversations that match the way they think rather than the age of the person they are talking to.
Why This Happens
Gifted children frequently develop advanced vocabulary, curiosity and reasoning earlier than their peers. They may enjoy discussing science, history, inventions or current affairs while classmates are interested in very different topics. This difference in interests can make it harder to find children who enjoy the same conversations.
This does not mean they dislike children their own age. Many enjoy playing with peers but often build their closest relationships with people who share their interests and curiosity.
What I Have Learnt From My Assessment Room
Over the years I have met many gifted children who happily spend an hour discussing space exploration, artificial intelligence or ancient civilisations. Yet these same children sometimes tell me they feel lonely in school because 'nobody wants to talk about those things.' When they eventually meet like-minded peers through enrichment programmes, competitions or clubs, parents often notice a remarkable increase in confidence and happiness.
These experiences remind me that many gifted children are not avoiding friendships—they are searching for genuine connection.
How Parents Can Help
Parents do not need to force gifted children to socialise in the same way as everyone else. Instead, recognise that friendships may look different. Encourage opportunities to interact with age peers while also supporting activities where children are likely to meet others with similar interests, such as robotics, chess, music or science clubs.
At the same time, remember that intellectual maturity is not the same as emotional maturity. Gifted children still need opportunities to play, make mistakes and enjoy childhood.
Myth vs Reality
Gifted children who prefer adults have poor social skills.
Many simply seek conversations that match their interests. They can develop healthy friendships, especially when they meet peers who share similar passions.
Dr Inderbir's Reflection
One lesson I have learnt repeatedly is that belonging matters more than fitting in. Gifted children do not necessarily need many friends. Sometimes one or two genuine friendships built around shared interests are enough to help them feel accepted and understood. Our role as adults is to help them find environments where those friendships can grow.
Want to Learn More?
Dr Inderbir Kaur Sandhu is a psychologist, gifted education specialist and author of The Secret to Raising a Smarter Child. With over two decades of experience working with gifted and twice-exceptional children, she specialises in understanding how children think, learn and thrive. Her work focuses on cognitive assessment, talent development and helping families nurture children's strengths while supporting their social and emotional development.